Libras are all about balance. Often falling to different extremes, we always search for opposites in our partners. In many ways, we find they complete us. I’m always inside of my own head. Everyone’s in their own head, but I’m constantly overthinking even the most insignificant of things.
It’s been a cold October and I asked my boyfriend to help me bring my winter things down from the attic. I had already spent a few hours digging through closets and suitcases in search of my winter clothing. As a bit of a control freak, I was looking for four sweaters and two jackets that were missing from my ‘inventory’. We spent at least an hour searching for these things and I came to the conclusion that my roommate, an older woman, had probably gone through that particular bin and gave it away.
It’s not the first time this has happened. Our attic is a quiet haven for her old Easter/Halloween/Christmas decorations that were long forgotten and would never be used again. I had looked through many of those bins just to find my handwriting on the outside and hundreds of pages of artwork made by her son when he was in grade school (he’s at least in his late 20’s) on the inside.
I was so frustrated that of all of the things that could have gone missing, it was my favorite suede moto jacket. Although I shouldn’t give so much importance to material things, I felt so defeated. After a few hours, I officially gave up on ever finding them, so my boyfriend and I left to eat. I sat in my car and did what I do best; I cried and beat myself up for making the mistake of trusting the home I live in. I was angry, I don’t want to live here. Hell, I’m still angry (it was my favorite jacket).
My boyfriend had followed me out as we were taking separate cars, and without missing a beat came right to my door. Many times before I’ve searched for a few minutes to myself so I can cry and be upset without making anyone feel like I was searching for sympathy. And let’s face it- I was crying over a jacket and a few sweaters.
Two years ago, when I was still the mysterious girl he had an eye on, when he was still getting to know me in the most gentle and on-the-surface ways; he wouldn’t have ever imagined he’d be having to hold me in my driveway, scrambling to find the words to calm me down.
Love isn’t always warm and smooth. Sometimes it’s jagged and ugly, sour and stagnant. It’s important to find the one who will balance you and will never make you feel heavy. If there was ever a time he was tired with having to weed through my confusion, or to handpick words in carefulness of my reaction- he has never expressed it. He has taken these challenges on with such patience and grace, it makes me feel so undeserving when I step away. It’s easy to oversee these small efforts, and I hope that even in the quietest of ways; I’m there for him in all of his confusion as well.